A Recipe for Freedom
By M. Castlewood

I took a long drag off my Marlboro cigarette, and then a
liquefying gulp of my whisky, then another gulp of whisky before I came up with this illuminating recipe for freeing Johnny Carroll.

Granted, Johnny was roughshod, and crude. He couldn't help the fact that he came from that part of Chicago that depreciates a man's European sensibilities.

A jury at the Fire Proof Nelson Courthouse would sentence Johnny at dawn. It was damn sure that Johnny would not receive approbation from Judge Constantine whose counterfeit ideology waffles like the Duke in catatonia over any imperative issue.

It was crucial that I act quickly. I contemplated the many ramifications that could ensue to foil my plan, nor would I
let any contradictory poodle business interfere.

Plan A: Burn a little incense and opiates in the

ashtrays. Yeah, that’ll get them confused, and tired.

They’ll think that they’re

honeymooning in Calumet City.

Plan B: Arm myself with a few paintbrushes and forks in
case things get nasty.

Plan C: Bring along my cochineal insect ejector. Once infested,

they’ll be in a decadent fantod and regatta outta the room

like a mad Angus steer.

With adept choreographed footwork, and guerrilla tactics, I burst into the room with absolute determination to free Johnny.

Now this really gets good, I utilize my Calgary football moves. Unobserved I crash into the room, and fling a
cow punch at this bloke from Homeland Security,
creating the biggest Hubbell-bubbell that is outta this world.

Next, with a bit of brainstorming, I feign adjectival threats at the peripatetic, Adriatic alumnae of Georgetown.
Then, with a surprise move, I jab the bufflehead, Congressman Drew, with my fork.

I finish this extravaganza by flinging a capacious hydrogen bottle filled with incandescent grub. The bottle disperses the grub with a frightening horrific boom. I
grab my belly, and laugh until it downright hurts as I watch them impulsively, dance the Harrisburg minuet around the room.

Outta breath, I grab Johnny by his fur collar, and hightail outta the courtroom; like a dark-eyed junco, in flight.

I’m stopped dead in my tracks, as I eyeball this blonde bombshell named, Glenda. She eyeballs me back, with those big hazel, puppy-dog eyes. The next thing I know…
up goes that damn flagpole in my pants, and the rest is presumable history.

A Farcical Yarn
By M. Castlewood

While munching on a slice of Wonder Bread, and browsing the web, Margo my wife came across Webmaster Johnny Alba, host of the infamous York Vogue Website. Mori, my dear, she says to me, Webmaster Johnny has the audacity to publish this unfavorable article with snapshots about someone dear to us. Come look at this. Rumors indeed, she mumbles.

Now Mori, my doll, Margo’s all excited as she tells me to listen to these juicy tidbits from the article. Can you believe what my eyes saw, our very own Rabbi Eitan Yardeni on the front page of November’s issue of York Vogue. The headline reads, Wedding of the Century. “There he stood beneath the chuppah, Torah in hand”, and can you believe… wearing his brother Josef’s blue plaid suit, not the traditional black. A rose in his buttonhole, and on top of his Jewish head, he’s sporting a black fedora, embellished with feathers, and all.

Now Mori my love, this gets better. This affair turns into a circus theatre with Amanda Peet, posing as a centerfold, you know, the sexy sports model. Why she has her hands all over Rabbi Yardeni, and her boobies are hanging out of her gown, to top that! Look at this Mori…on the following page there are layouts, and stuff, nude photos of Amada next to an abstract painting of the Wedding Party. Rabbi Yardeni’s eyes are glued to Amanda’s boobs. My God! I wonder what the family members, friends and guests that attended the wedding think of this exploitation? These photos are pasted all over the website. Oh no! Mori, they are calling the Rabbi, and Amanda Peet the “Freak Partners” of the year.

Now Mori, my dear, what is this world coming to? The decent citizens of the synagogue will be appalled by this kinda media coverage on the net.

Mori sat smiling ear to ear, shaking his head, and thinking, what a lucky man the Rabbi was.

Hello spamProject Writers,

This is an example of the New Wave of autoGenerated spam. Generally the text "story" is sent with a bit-mapped image of a stock exchange report. The folks who have a clearer idea of what they're doing generally know to keep the text hidden behind the bait, or the image--while those who aren't clear on what they're doing mis-align the image!:-)

I was thinking that although this sort of "story" appoach isn't as interesting as the first generation of random words, it is possible to do an almost "Ransom note" series. Basically a short story could be written around these sorts of desperate, or irrational messages. I've started a story...Any takers?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Example:

Armada of Photos
by [yournamehere]

It was October 5, two years back when I received the first freak packet. It was a picture of Margo. She appeared to be on a vacation, perhaps attending a Registered Model's festival at a water park for reasons only the fashion industry could know. She was wearing a crown and holding a buyer's guide. The cover of this "guide" listed things like room rates, bookgifts, wifegifts, ideasmore, Under the photo, these words from nefarious magazines were pasted together:
Keep, aWay meDIa!

PAINTING.


Painting? The media musn't paint an image of Margo? Margo must keep away from a painting? None of it made any sense! The whole thing was so bizarre, that I just laughed it off, attributing the strange poster to her publicist, ex-husband Freddie.

Freddie owned and ad agency on the west side of town called Permission Graphics. His layouts materialized from the unattended wrecks of discarded sports photos like I would imagine Citizen Kane's sled to emerge from a bonfire; the original intent of the subject visible, but darkened.


One month and two days later, an email article forwarded from a local newspaper in Roswell, New Mexico arrived with a picture of Margo posing in her brother's suit, wearing a fedora.




-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forever, try update might kinda updated affraid,
back soon. Vacation, forever try update might kinda. Permission graphics annie
otherwise where stated webmasters johnny hosted.

Alba emerged crown time. Canti tothe opens theaters
dec talks, buttonhole. Both nouvel seven ago parttime parentsim hoping, got
less. Read about demetria gene guynes, november roswell new. Know her, content
here. Keep, away media, painting.

Models sports photos amanda peet?

Layout stuff comes premiere yorkvogue.

Pitts publicist calif wasnt!

Wife she me told once? Around pm led rabbi eitan
yardeni stood beneath chuppah. Margo dana dadsbob lee topics email article.
Going making miss worked? Persistent, rumors indeed, heres. Brothers suit fedora
guests friends family attended including three.

Zaharas water, festivals buddhism, called control
freak partner.

Studies prove decent citizen beingthat happen
theres bring. Dont know, her content here.

Registered as black staying.

Granted adopt nobody mothershe, should hard parent.
Sheri bob newsletter sign up now. Indeed, heres much, sought sayfrank publicly
spoken film. Refugees couple plan ring exclusive four. Stallone tom cruisevan
dammewill smith martyn ajolieorg jolie. Persistent rumors indeed heres much
sought sayfrank publicly, spoken. Attractive woman travels keep away media
painting puts artist. Room rates range nightjolie spent!

Previous drummer freddie divorced, actor october
walter born.

Talking wenn morning, america.

Had two previous drummer. Forumsmost popular amp
rssemail frienddigg this storymore. Model song writer part.

Statistics buyers guide booksgifts for wifegifts
day ideasmore top.

Was made official by their secret wedding in, beverly.

Miss worked fine marry laughed off.

Citizen beingthat happen theres bring way preparing.

Mrs dvd, buy dvds posters site. Updates january
heartache category general marcheline. Americaits least person luck, guys hope,
too costarred oceans. Institute, posted archives from net what saying tired, weve.

Than, those girls mom.